Fall TV, so far...

http://ausiellofiles.ew.com/2009/04/fall-tv-cheat-s.html

The gist is, I hate so much of what was a "sure thing" that I'm questioning a bunch of things about my future prospects. And hoping it's you that are stupid, not me. ;-)

To be honest, I also hated almost everything that got canceled, too. I think it's a choice between shit, utter shit, and Are You Fucking Serious? on television, anymore.
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GLEE

The pilot of GLEE- a new high school comedy/drama focusing on, well, The Glee Club- is up on Hulu. It's good stuff.

It's got the kind of subtle comedy that makes you smile, so you can take the cheesy-ness. And it's not your momma's after-school-special extra cheesy, it's the kind you'd see in a Broadway play: half-sarcastic. In fact, it reminded me a lot of the plays I've read and seen.

There's drama, and some obvious hooks for future drama; but the acting is superb. It's just the first episode, so we'll see how they go and where they throw their emphasis. I recommend watching it, it's a little over 43 minutes you'll be happy you spent.

If you liked any recent adaptation of a musical to the big screen, you'll enjoy this show. If you like sarcasm, you'll find plenty there. And if you "Can't stop the feelin'", well... just watch.

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craptastic

Which is diametrically opposite of mantastic, just so you know...

"There is more than one of everything..."

"This truck was never made..."

And the FBI agent who hasn't watched enough Law and Order to know that "Was it a mask, or bandages?" is a leading question...

Craptastical.

UPDATE: COMPLETE, UNADULTERATED, HACKERY! Fucking douche bag, un-talented, commercialists. Dickwaded cockfingering turdshits.
Fucking Sans-tastical.
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FAIL!

They should just change the show to FAIL- or better yet, EPIC FAIL. The cardinal rule of Vampire fiction: you don't use Bella Lugosi's Dead (especially, a shitty version of it). Otherwise you violate the Laws on Pretension Prevention, a little known subsection of the Geneva Convention.

Also, knew it was the girl as soon as she was on screen.
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Your TV Shows

A while ago I talked about Fringe. I mentioned that The Psychic Olivia was a dropped plot point. It's been 3 episodes, and they've picked it back up- just like I mentioned they'd done before. And they invented a whole new bucket of bullshit for the viewer to choke down, thinly disguised as "creepy" and "dramatic".

What I'd like to add is two points:

First, in the big mystery of episode 17, the viewer easily makes the connections about 3-5 minutes before the characters in the show make them- which is stupid and bad writing, in my opinion. It's one thing to let the viewer in on it from the jump; or to let the viewer make the connection a few seconds before the characters. It's an entirely other matter for the characters to have no clue, get one more piece of information and then magically jump to the same conclusion the viewers- who haven't been made aware of anything other than what the characters know- have already surmised.

Second, the ending of episode 17 means one of two (I'll include a third just to cover my ass) things. Either, the good Crazy Doctor has had his memory messed with (which I think they've alluded to, and suggested he might have done it to himself); or the writers seriously think anyone is buying their tacked on bullshit. That second possibility isn't quite as remote as it may first seem. It could be the writers going "Oh, hey! Great idea, what if we add in all this stuff to kinda tie things in and make it creepy and mysterious?" And no one catching how/that it makes earlier episodes inconsistent. Or it could be there's an actual meta-plot and it's that ridiculous.
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SOUTHLAND, Part II

Watched Southland, episode 2, today. There's not much to say, that I haven't already said. It's crap, recycled at best. Bleeping curse words to add edginess, a cop who "[thinks she] made a mistake" with her own kid and baby-daddy putting it all on the line for an imperfect family, nice guy cops trying to do the right thing while the system- uncaring- refuses. Probably won't watch the third episode, but we'll see- certainly don't expect it to be any better.
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Your TV Shows

Fringe is such a stupid show. There is nothing redeeming about it. It's not sci-fi, because science fiction would imply some sort of actual science. It's more like modern fantasy- wild conjectures with very loose, very badly strung together, science facts used to, I guess, try and explain things.

They take it right up to the edge, and let the viewer make the conclusions. The acting is good, sometimes, but mostly it's too "serious" to actually be serious. They're not trying to be as campy as they are. It's got all the great hallmarks of horror/thriller sci-fi, and I think that's why I watch it.

I wouldn't recommend anyone else attempt it. Fringe is truly crap-tastic. But years of less than B slasher flicks, zombie fests, and monster movies keep me viewing. Just like all those horrible examples of "entertainment" (read: train wrecks), the creators obvious intend one reaction, and miserably fail.

If they accepted that despite their big budgets, their great special effects, and their sleek look/marketing, they were just shitty camp horror, it would suck even more. But throwing the lady with the robotic arm in with the mad (read: crazy) scientist who was researching every single bit of the latest and greatest in cutting edge science, 30 years ago, doesn't make it sci-fi.

What irks me is, if someone tried to write this shit, they'd be laughed at. Not because it's stupid, which it is, not because it's childish and predictable, which it is; but because it glories in the dumbest, worst, most throw together hodge-podge of "plots" that ever got rejected- and it does it without the slightest bit of irony.

There's talent in the pool that creates each episode; but it still can't overcome being absolute shit.



Plot points that were about to happen, then completely dropped, ignored, and never mentioned again:

* The Psychic Olivia. Episode 14 revealed Olivia was a powerful psychic able to control electronic devices. Then there was a long break, and in two episodes it has never been mentioned again. Instead there's the romantic angle of who is Peter romantically interested in: Olivia or her sister? Hint: It will be Olivia, as was thoroughly demonstrated in episode 14. (That is, assuming consistency is in anyway important to the writers- a big assumption that has no evidence to support it in the 16 episodes so far.)

* The Cyborg Lady. Sure, she's been in other episodes, and has shown disturbing interest in Olivia- which we can assume has something to do with her Psychic abilities. But there's been no more about cybernetics, and we've gone two episodes without hide nor hair of her or her ominous megacorp.

* The Hairless Man. He's a gimmick ("See him in every episode!"), a shitty Where's Waldo where the camera tends to settle on the hidden person, to underline that he's "secret" or "important" or just because this is a prime example of stupidity and hodge-podge. More importantly, though he is in episode 14, and in a VERY unsurprising role, all the geniuses and investigators, who have all discussed/encountered him before never ONCE mention him when they meet a kid who is also hairless and "important". They've shot their wad with him, in a way, having had a full episode devoted to him; but that's bad planning, in my opinion, and so I consider him a dropped plot point.

* The Roguish Villian. Charming, star of City of Lost Children, and with an English accent, he was prominent in the episodes leading up to the break. Since then? Not even a mention of an off-camera hunt for him.

And that's the thing, innit:

1) No one is surprised, in the least bit, when they somehow try to tie a plot point back to something else- inventing a bunch of information that must be shoveled at the viewer like so much thought manure. Some of these plots are being PURPOSEFULLY ignored, at the moment, because hiding the obvious 4 episodes down the line makes it "smart", "savy", or in some other way, not obvious. (Uhm.... Hint: No it doesn't.)

2) All it would take, to force Olivia and Walter out of their Mary Sue status, and make the whole fucking show about a million times better, is to insert some throw-away lines about off-camera investigations. And guess what that would do? Allow the production staff to make web-based games, or text stories, or just blogs, for viewers (I hesitate to think anyone would actually be a "fan" of this drivel) to go exploring. In other words, it would allow them to move into the digital, interactive, internet age. (And you just KNOW the kind of people who like this shit are the weirdo internet conspiracy kooks who all think it's a fucking documentary- and all fo whom are avid members of ONLINE communities.)

Sense some hostility on my end? You might be a psychic- [insert irony here]- or it might be that I'm jealous people can write such sub-puerile bullshit and make a hella good living off it.

UPDATE: MEALWORMS ARE MEALWORMS, PUSHING THEM UP FROM A "CORPSE" AND CALLING THEM "MONSTER LARVAE" DOESN'T MAKE THEM NOT-MEALWORMS! (Technically, Mealworm Beetle Larvae.) Stupid, over-done, unsurprising, and shit-tastic. With as big a budget as they must have, you'd think they could use something other than standard horror staples as larvae for their "monster". Not to mention how stupid the whole concept is, scientifically speaking.
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Your TV Shows

Dear Mr. Television Writer,

Waiting three episodes, or thirty, doesn't make the obvious any less so.

Jealously,
-Me
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SOUTHLAND

There's a new show coming out, in a week, on NBC. It's nothing new: cop drama, following various police officers operating various cases. Quick to start, then develops, camera quality goes back and forth between faux COPS and production grade. Sound effects are crap- witness the first shooting, where the guns all sound like something less than caps.

Anyway, the pilot is up on Hulu, a week before it airs on TV. Because an obvious ploy for no reason is as good as a ploy with a reason, I guess. (I suppose it's to get word of mouth spurred.)

Nothing unique about it. Multiple arcs, from episodic to multi-show: something to get new viewers and keep the old ones. A mix of personal and professional, with emphasis (understand it's only the first show) on the professional. A great ensemble cast, and a heavy smell of money, so expect to be hearing raves about it soon.

Seriously, nothing unique about it. A mix of things from a hundred cop drama TV Shows and Movies, already out there- the rich-boy rookie with the hardass vet partner (overcompensating for being gay), the empathetic black female detective (taking care of her elderly sick mother) with the not quite as good younger white male partner, the "Gang life is stupid, pointless, and harmful" angle (complete with "community testimony" and "community fear"), the misogynist with a female partner, the cop on his first marriage that's about to die surrounded by hardened divorcees...

Absolutely nothing to set it apart. It reinforces the idea that stereotypes and cliches are okay, so long as they're not negative. It's crap, throwaway, dressed-up reruns with better production values. If you've been hankering for a fix since NYPD Blue dropped off, you'll probably like this. If you're a fan of the cop drama genre, you'll probably like this. If you like anything that's good and interesting, and have a memory like a goldfish (so you don't place all the old tired bullshit), you'll probably like this. Otherwise, leave it to the fans, the idiots, and the young. (caveat: For now)
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What Can $1 Buy?

In this, the worst recession since the Great Depression, people's notions of what some arbitrary number of dollars can buy changes. When before it was $20,000 is that car, today it might be $20,000 is x amount of weeks groceries/rent/utilities.

Wanna know what $500 can buy you?

Look at this:

It was, supposedly, made for $500.


(found via Warren Ellis)


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Internet-Vision

Remember Doctor Horrible's Sing-along Blog? Just telling people you do, so you can seem cooler?

There's a group of people- ever expanding, ever better- that actually do "television" shows for the internet. And there's a new one, as of Today:



6 minutes, seems like it could be horrible, seems like it could be really good. We'll see. Definitely worth watching.
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