The Olympics

I like the olympics as much as the next person. Watching those amazing athletes striving for personal perfection, and global accolades, is great. The beauty of the human form is on showcase, every four years- Beach Volleyball, Swimming, Gymnastics, Ping Pong...

But let's get some shit straight:

1) Calling those 15, 16, 17 year old girl children "Women" and their highly bullshit scoring based heavily on ability "artistic", in gymnastics, is fucking creepy and hypocritical, at BEST.

2) These highly trained, professional, living works of art competing, is simply a prettier- more socially acceptable form- of watching two crackwhores fight over a rock; but it's not more entertaining.

3) The "O"lympics isn't about peace, love, unity, or any of that other hippie vag-crust. It's about the money. Don't believe me? Look at the price for tickets to events. Look at the endorsement deals those athletes are vying for; and look at what financial information the International Olympic Committee makes public, makes public but hides deep in arcane accounting documents, and keeps hidden.

4) Ping Pong is not a sport- neither is "Baseball". Sure, I can't beat even the worst Ping Pong player in the olympics.... but I can't beat your 6 year old cousin, either. Ping Pong and Baseball are games of skill- like billiards, darts, and chess. Go look up the definition of "sport" and you'll see they all fit- even Jeopardy can be a sport- but that doesn't make it so. If you can play it in a climate controlled building, and the majority of the players don't break a sweat from the actual exertion required by the game: it's not a fucking sport.

5) Why do you think they've added Beach Volleyball, BMX, and various other "extreme" sports to the Olympic roster? Money, maybe?

6)Competition does not breed unity, peace, and understanding. It breeds the need to beat any and everyone else playing. Equality doesn't force ratings of the players. We already have an olympics where everyone is a "winner" we call them the "Retard" Olympics, and they take place after(?) the Para Olympics.

7) The IOC has, historically, loved a bit of controversy. (Remember the 1936 Berlin Olympics? You really think GERMANY wasn't controversial with the Nazis and the fact that WWI- in which they played the part, reprized by Hitler in WWII: Electric Boogaloo, of the bad guys- fucked 'em not 20 years before?)

8) More proof of money and controversy: Some sports allow PROFESSIONALS- like Basketball- while others don't. Why? The Olympics was, (somewhat) originally, supposed to be about amateur athletes.

9) Yes, as a matter of fact, Micheal Phelps did kill your daddy, back in 'Nam; because that Phelps motherfucker is badass.

10)Kerri Walsh will always be hotter than you; and be able to kick your ass at volleyball.


There you have it, dear readers, the olympics is bullshit. Just like everything else. But, if you cry about it, it might change.

Also, check out Charlie Stross' ideas for the London games in 2012.